i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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