ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Actions speak louder than pants.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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