I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
