He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
