WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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