how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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