Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
