Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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