Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
