I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
