he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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