your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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