the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
this boner is exhausting
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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