At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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