I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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