I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
