every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
