I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
