He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
