I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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