im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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