there's paper in my vomit.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
