Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i believe in u and ur pee
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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