She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i barfeds in our rink
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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