I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
