So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
