I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
