I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
