my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
