last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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