Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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