I should be sponsored by Trojan
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
