New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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