Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
