no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
