were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
