Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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