I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
