wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
