my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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