shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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