My liver just broke up with me...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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