I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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