I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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