you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
