Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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