I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i will never coherently bang her
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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