yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
