wrigley field is MILF paradise
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
