Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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